I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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