There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
