He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
