I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
