Someone shit on the floor
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
