my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
