i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
