The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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