I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize