what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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