if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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