i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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