And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
