I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I skipped work to stalk him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize