I met the friendliest cop last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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