Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
