is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
