im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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