life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
