guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
