We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
