I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
