maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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