i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
