If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
