I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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