If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish you could order shots online.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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