I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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