i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
