Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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