just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
