Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize