Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
