That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
