Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
