When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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