Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
