i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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