Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
