Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
