I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
