Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
