Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
