If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I supernannyed him into submission
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
