I wish I could teleport
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
