Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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