Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
