Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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