Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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