Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
