my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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