I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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