I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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