WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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