omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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