Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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