I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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