I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
