I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize