She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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