ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
