Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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