God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize