The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
