The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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