If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
