I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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