Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize