her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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