What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize