: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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