after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
