Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
