So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize